Part XXXVI:

A New Start

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Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them. ~1 John 2:9-11

     AfterJim had given Camille a ride home he took a look at the problem with her car.

     "Is it serious?" she asked after he had made several unsuccessful attempts to get the engine going.

     "Nothing a new starter won't fix," he replied while exiting the car.

     "A new starter, are you sure?" she asked not fully convinced. "You haven't even looked under the hood."

     "Camille, repairing and renovating vehicles is what I do for a living. I don't have to look under the hood to know that starter has quit, but if you'd like you can get a second opinion."

     She was clearly disappointed. "I'll take your word for it...I was just hoping it was just a dead battery."

     "No such luck fancy face, but hey, don't look so down. I can have this girl fix in a couple hours."

     "You can?" she asked more cheerfully.

     "Sure, I just need to stop at the shop to pick up a new starter and some tools."

     "That would be great," Camille said emphatically. "How much is it going to cost me?"

     "How about making me some lunch and we'll call it even?" he offered as he mounted his bike again.

     "Is that all?"

     Jim smiled mischievously. "I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. Steak and pasta sounds good about now, along with a baked potato, don't mash them either. I like them whole..."

     "I should have known," she said with a note of derision. "Applebee's to go it is, and this location delivers. I'll give them a call now."

     "You do that," he laughed as he started his bike. "I don't like to work on an empty stomach. It can put me in a mood."

     "Well, God forbid we have that," she threw back.  I'll be sure it's here before you get back."

     After Jim took off she placed the order. Camille then took time out to freshen up. 'That boy is trouble,' she thought to herself, although she had to admit that she was enjoying his company. Jim's "off the beaten path" ways were generally full of excitement and adventure and in light of last night she welcomed the diversion, not to mention the attention. Nonetheless, she had no intention of leading him on, or any other man for that matter. She needed time to get over Alex...and heal.

     Jim returned in just under two hours. "Sorry it took some time. I was held up helping one of the guys."

     "Well lunch is served," she said and opened the door to allow him in."

     "Thank God, I'm so hungry I could pass out!" he exclaimed, then taking in his surroundings he added, "Some pad you have here."

     "Thank you, I like it,"Camille responded with a note of pride and satisfaction.

     "Oh, that wasn't necessarily meant to be a compliment," he shared while purposely looking back at her. "Everything is so neat and orderly...although I can't say I'm surprised. It is a reflection of you, and this whole neighborhood for that matter."

     'I should have known,' she thought to herself as she felt the heat of anger welling up inside.  At first she opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind, but then restrained herself.  Instead she stood erect, froze her face, then crossed her arms over her chest while declaring, "I'm not going there with you Jim."

     Jim was so accustomed to this body language from her neighborhood that it didn't come as a surprise.  He could also see that he had touched a nerve and she was doing all she could to keep her frigidity.  "Why not?" he asked. "Afraid you'd lose control and your neat, orderly world will be rocked?"

     Now firmly planting her hands on her hips Camille shot back, "This may come as a huge surprise to you but there's more to it than that, although I hesitate to go there because you and your neighborhood don't appear to care or know how to let up.  As a result these things usually end with the participants rolling in the mud, and that Jim is where I am determined not to go. I don't intend to get sucked into one of your shenanigans."

     Jim was tempted to go on but he couldn't deny the truth in her words.  Even so, he knew that it was often fueled by her neighborhood's unnerving confidence that they held the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and how they've tried to push their views onto them.  He wanted to bring it up but felt that wouldn't serve any good right now. Jim was learning the importance of acknowledging the challenges on the other side...and even how his side may have contributed to the situation with their short-sighted vision.

     "Fair enough," he conceded.  "Where's your bathroom? My hands could use a washing," he asked while showing her his dirty hands and making a pretense of reaching for her.

     "Down the hall, second door on your right," she shrieked as she quickly moved beyond his reach.

     "I'll give you that round," Jim threw over his shoulder on his way to the restroom. "We can be a handful..." then looking at his hands with a sudden beam of enlightenment he added, "and our hands aren't always clean...but I hope to continue this conversation in the near future and shed some light on our perspective."

     Camille was surprised at his response. He even acknowledged the truth in what she said.  Wow, she hadn't seen that coming, and it appeared sincere and caring.  A spark of love had touched her heart and although it wasn't nearly as intense as the one in her dream last night, it had a similar warming effect and she relished the moment.

     In the past he hadn't shown any signs of being open to seeing things differently and beyond a few exceptions, she and the others often didn't feel safe discussing their religious views with their neighbors across the street. Their efforts had often been rewarded with personal attacks.  Even if there was some merit to what was said their fiery temperament did nothing to win them over.  They also demanded understanding and room for growth but didn't extend the same to their neighbors across the street and Camille was not fond of double standards.

     Maybe this incident was the beginnings of a new start for them.

     "Steak, pasta, and a bake potato...not mashed," she pointed out as Jim joined her in the dining room.  "Did I miss anything?"

     He smiled at the spread and replied cheerfully, "Nope. Looks and smells great," then looking over at her cup of soup he asked more solemnly, "Is that all you're having?"

     "I just had a root canal.  Besides, I generally have a light lunch."

     "Afraid of losing your girlish figure?" he asked as he took a seat at the table. "I wouldn't worry about that. You could use more meat on those bones."

     He just had to ruin the moment with another one of his opinions!  "Do you always have to be so blunt?" she asked with irritation as she grabbed the seat across from him.

     Jim chuckled at her response, "It's who I am.  Let me guess, you would prefer I was more like Alex."

     Camille dropped silent, then after a moment replied, "Well yes, there is much to be said for discretion."

     "And there is much to be said for being blunt.  I'm not Alex Camille.  He's a fine man but I don't intend to be made over into his image.  Alex and I are two different people.  We may have both come from the same clay but our Maker used different molds."

     After a pause, he eyed her thoughtfully before continuing, "Nonetheless, I do see your point.  Let me rephrase that, you're gorgeous yet it wouldn't hurt you to gain a few pounds.  I wouldn't sweat it and deprive myself of indulging in a hearty meal."

     Camille then flashed him a smile that accented her striking features, and although she was now aware of his good intentions regarding her slender figure, she yielded to a sudden, strong temptation to now take the offensive position and strike at him with her words.

     "Much better," she said in approval.  "And I am indulging myself.  I love sweets and also ordered myself a piece of cake loaded with frosting.  It's in the fridge and I have every intention of eating it.  Just don't let out my awful secret.  I could just see your neighborhood declaring a witch hunt.  God forbid we realize that God is sweet, loves sweets...and loves to share it."

     Generally a comment like that would set Jim off, and seeing that she had not considered the challenges on their end, and her neighborhood's contributing role in this continuing fiasco, he opened his mouth to set her straight, but as he did he realized her fire had not ignited him at heart for it didn't have the wood and hay to sustain her flame. He marveled at this not quite understanding it all, but as he sat silently contemplating this unusual occurrence Jim realized that somewhere deep inside he knew her angry words were coming from the hurts he and his neighborhood had inflicted, and that type of pain and chain reaction was something he was well aquainted with. Whatever her fuel was, pain and a need to justify herself and those in her neighborhood was what had driven her, as it often did with him.

     Jim also knew hurts at times were inevitable, but that he and his neighborhood had often went about things the wrong way...just like he claimed his neighbors had done to them and two wrongs didn't make a right.

     No, her words didn't make him mad. They made him sad for he really did care about her. Again he felt that now wasn't the time to discuss how some of their views and practices could be likened to witchcraft, or how they could use some real meat in their diet instead of that baloney they were so fond of...and all them sweets...'

     His thoughts were interrupted as she continued, her head now held low,"I'm sorry.  I don't know what came over me, I generally don't go there.  Here I am getting on your case for going there and now look at me..." then with a deep sigh she added, "I guess I'm frustrated too."

     "I had it coming...Camille, I realize now that I can continue to blame my neighbors for the things gone wrong and allow that to fuel my anger but the truth is we are all first accountable to God, even as we can acknowledge how others can contribute to the problem.  I've fallen short too...I still believe in righteous anger, although I know now that I haven't always been coming from that place, more times than I care to admit," he added with sadness and Camille marveled at his newly founded peace. It was evident in his tone and demeanor, and she knew it was very real.  She also was impressed with his position on these things.

     He continued, "I'll let God speak to you about whether you need to be sorry...yet I can see that in my desire to see justice done, I've contributed to the situation and caused some unnecessary pain that contributed and even escalated the problem instead of helping.  It wouldn't be fair for me to put the full weight on your shoulders...for what it's worth, I'mmm sorry too."

     At his apology her head shot up and he noted that she looked more than a bit surprised. She even seemed at a loss for words. Apparently that was not the response she was expecting and he didn't blame her for he often felt his actions were justified so they warranted no apology, although now he was coming from a place not rooted in his own pain and frustrations and that allowed him to see her more clearly.

     Eventually she did speak.  "Thank you. That means a lot to me...and I didn't mean to compare you to Alex, at least not intentionally."

     "Forget about it. It's no secret that you have a thing for him, but you may want to consider the obvious, he isn't right for you," Jim commented as he took another bite of his steak.

     "What's that supposed to mean?" Camille asked, her tone rising a bit again.  "You don't think I'm good enough for him?"

     Jim noted that she sounded insulted and thought to himself, Now she's reading into my words.  It seems it will take more than an apology to gain her trust.

     "You've got it all wrong. I don't think he's good for you," he stressed.

     His comment took her by surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice now curiously soft.

     "As I said, Alex is a fine man. We all know his character and devotion to the Lord, yet Alex's life revolves around his work.  I won't knock it for it is apparent to us all how effectively the Lord uses Him, not to mention his devotion to the residents in the community.

     Now your life revolves around other things.  You're more diverse there.  You're like a chameleon that can easily change it's colors while Alex is satisfied with one."

     Jim gave her a moment to digest that before continuing. "You would be bored with Alex. You may not see that now but I believe in time you will come to see the truth in what I say. You need someone who has the same zest for life that you do."

     "Opposites are supposed to attract," Camille offered, but then confessed, "Yet I've already been seeing the truth in what you've shared.  Anyway," she continued as she threw her head back, "I'm through with men, at least for the time being. I want to take time out to develop a closer relationship with the Lord."

     Jim was happy to hear it, but was disappointed by her comment on men. "Drawing closer to the Lord is always the right move, but I can't help being disappointed with your other move."

     "About men?" she asked.

     Jim nodded.

     "It was you that suggested I stop playing with fire, remember? I agree and now you're disappointed?" she asked puzzled by his reaction. After his speech last night she thought he would be pleased.

     "I am glad, to a degree, but it's one thing to stop playing with fire and another thing to shut the door on all men. Surely, a most grievous day for us all," he said with a big display of disappointment, "Black Monday, the day the male species was cast out of Camille's light."

     Camille smiled at his choice of words, then more sadly added, "I'm not sure that's a bad thing, but I do hope to make a comeback equipped with the Lord's light."

     "That a girl," Jim commended. "Now you're talking. Just don't go overboard and change what need not be changed.  Not to harp on it but that's another problem with this neighborhood."

     Putting her spoon down and intently watching him she asked, "It doesn't bother you that I have a thing for another man?"

     "Why would it?" he asked in turn.  "I'm not threatened by Alex.  I'm my own man.  A couple years back I wouldn't have been able to say that but once I left this neighborhood I grew more confident in who I am.  It took awhile and I don't intend to lose the ground I have gained.  I believe once you can see beyond your infatuation over Alex you will also gain a new appreciation of me..." then with a playful sparkle in his eye he added," and may even be in the favorable position of falling for me."

     "Your confidence is off the charts Jim," Camille noted sarcastically, yet she couldn't help but smile at his wishful thinking.

     Jim laughed again. He wasn't put off in the least bit. "Well it appears I'll have to wait things out.  That's fine, my patience could use some work. I'll take it as another opportunity for growth."

Part XXXVII:  Dinner Invitation