Part XXX:

The Mark of Maturity

 
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     You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  ~Romans 5:6-8

     After the game was over Alex and Sarah stuck around awhile longer to help clean up and for some after game discussion. They then bid their goodbyes and Alex drove Sarah home.

     They had both thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Alex was glad to see that things went even better than he had anticipated and Sarah had a good time.

     “That was a great game!” she exclaimed on the drive home, “Thank you for inviting me. I had a wonderful time.”

     “Well I’m glad,” Alex told her. “It was fun, wasn’t it?”

     “Yes, everything was great! The game, the food, the company...”

     Throughout the drive they spoke about the game and the guys.

     “They were really nice,” Sarah commented gratefully.

     “We do love the Lord and are committed to getting beyond our differences, and as I said, we try and keep each other in check. I know it may not have been apparent with all the cheap shots being thrown around but in reality we do hold each other in high regard and look out for each other. Even Charlie will go out his way for Nick and will stand beside him through thick and thin.

     “Yes, I got that impression when Mike called them boneheads.”

     They both laughed at the memory of that exchange.

     “We give each other a hard time during these games but it’s all in fun. We’ve been through a lot together, Mike too, and we pretty much understand each other. It can take on a different meaning when it is coming from someone on the outside, sort of like how it's easier to receive critique when you know someone understands your challenges and cares about you. Have you ever gone through challenges and difficulty with another to then have a spectator from the outside come in and comment on the performance with a cold and harsh critique?”

     Sarah thought it over for a moment then said, “Yes, at work. Sometimes the realtors don’t understand all the red tape and other challenges that brokers face in helping others attain a loan. I don’t mind the feedback but they don’t seem to realize we have our own challenges and these things can't always be rushed. It could even cost us our jobs and it irks me when they don't take that into consideration, or seem to care.”

     “Exactly. Jesus spoke of the religious leaders in his day making demands without lifting a finger to help. When we are viewing from the sidelines we can be vulnerable to being cold, calculating, and harsh. The view from the outside isn’t the same as the view from the inside and spectators need to realize that. Doesn’t mean a spectator’s view should be ignored for he may have valuable input that can be a great help. God is not limited by our experiences and those on the inside need to realize that. Sometimes that outsider's view detached from personal associations is what we need, although our attitude can speak louder than words and at times that can prevent us from hearing even if just for the moment.”

     “I see what you mean…that reminds me of a story my friend told me. Steve said the colored men at work take shots at each other and sometimes call themselves the N word…I hate that word…but anyway, he said one day he called one of his colored coworkers that word in a joking manner and it upset the guy and his colored friends. He said he couldn’t understand why when he thought it would be ok because they used it on each other, sometimes as an endearment too. I could see how that was confusing for him, especially if they themselves are using it as an endearment.”

     “I’ve seen that too and I do see your friend's point, which is a valid one. A colored friend of mine pretty much explained it to me the way I explained it to you. It is one thing coming from someone on the inside that understands your challenges in a very personal way. Although my friend isn’t real happy with the term from either end as he feels it is demeaning. He also feels it doesn't help those that hear it see colored people more respectfully. I think much can depend on the situation and also how it is viewed overall. On a larger scale, what may be acceptable in one culture as it is used as an endearment may be highly offensive in another that uses it in a demeaning way. What I can say is that at times our personal experiences and associations do come into play and as the recipients the issue may lie more with us. As you can see there can be several variables that may come into play, another reason why being crucified with Christ is so important, but that's no excuse not to consider the effect our words are having on others for everything we do needs to glorify the Lord and be grounded in his love. If it unnecessarily offends the hearer and is hindering God’s work amongst others that are within earshot, it needs to go.”

     Sarah agreed, then noted, “It’s interesting to see how men and women tend to vary on their approach. Men tend to tease each other while women are more inclined to comfort each other.”

     “Yes, we do comfort each other too, although the teasing can be our way of dealing with it as men who tend to be more accomplishment oriented rather than emotional in that regard.”

     Alex didn’t want the night to end, but he knew it was getting late. He did decide to ask her out on a date and call it that so she would know where his intentions were. It was apparent to him that they each had a passion for the Lord and things close to his heart, the only question left for him was that of children. Alex had first hoped to find out how she felt about having children before taking that next step in their relationship but found himself hesitant to bring it up. He really wanted to have at least one official date with her first and ask her then.

     After pulling into her driveway he walked her to her door. Alex then pointed to the bamboo loveseat on her front porch and asked her to sit with him for a moment. “Sarah, I know we haven’t known each other that long, yet I feel the time we’ve spent together has been quality time and…would you go out with me, like on an official date?” After hearing himself he added with some awkwardness, “That sounds so high school…it’s been awhile since I've asked a woman out.”

     Sarah’s heart leaped. At first she didn't want the pressure of an official date, although more recently had hoped for this and now here it was. She wanted to say yes but now that the moment had actually arrived reality came crashing in. Was she really ready to jump back on that wagon and risk being hurt again?

     Sarah also thought it was sweet how uncertain of himself he seemed. When he spoke of the Lord and his work he came across as quite confident. It was apparent to her that this was an area he wasn’t as comfortable with. She didn’t doubt that as he said, it had been awhile and he didn’t take dating lightly.

     Recalling their discussion on uncertainty she wanted to accept and see how things went. Even so, she knew she had to see if he saw children in his future…soon, just not yet, but she would share her other concerns in regards to dating.

     “Alex, I would like to say yes…it's just that I'm not all that good at dating. As I told Jim, it hasn't gone well in the past. I just don't seem to have what men want in that regard.”

     Alex was surprised and taken aback by her comment for he saw many wonderful qualities in her and knew it also didn't go unnoticed by others. “And what is it that men want?” he asked curious as to her perception there.

     “Well, someone that is taken with them and their needs. I hope that doesn’t sound selfish because I do get that aspect of a relationship, contributing to the needs of the other but I always felt pressured and somewhat fearful with their dependence on me…I’d then withdraw and they’d grow impatient. I have my issues and am not perfect. I know you look to the Lord first so I don’t feel that would be the same case with you…but as I said, I have my issues.”

     “Well, let’s see,” he mused. “I know you don’t speak with your mouth full which is really good because I don’t think I could overlook that. True story, I went out with this woman once that could eat with her mouth full and talk simultaneously. She had a real gift for it too. It takes a lot for me to lose my appetite but that did it. I couldn't even look at food for the rest of the day.”

     Sarah giggled at that.

     “Are you wanted by the law because that we can work out?”

     She shook her head no.

     “A hoarder?” he continued.

     “No, but I can be a bit OCD at times.”

     “OCD?” he asked quizzically. Then jokingly he added,      “Sounds wretched. Does that have anything to do with food?”

     “Nooo,” she said giggling again, “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I guess it can apply to food too yet I'm compulsive about checking the locks on my doors and car and making sure my appliances are off.”

     “Well that doesn’t sound bad. I have a tendency to forget to lock my doors and I have been known to leave my coffeemaker on…and on more than one occasion. Sounds like a match made in Heaven.”

     Sarah smiled, then grew serious again as she said, “But seriously Alex…”

     Alex did sense she had some serious concerns and wanted to unload them. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

     “I just seem to be too independent for men. Everything also seems to go so fast in the dating scene. One guy told me his whole life story including some very intimate details on our first date. To be honest, I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. When he was done he asked me about myself. After that I didn’t know what to say. I ended up sharing things like the type of music I like and activity I enjoy. Took all about five minutes compared to his two hours. I’m just not comfortable sharing intimate details about my life with someone I barely know, but more than that it felt like I was being rushed into something I wasn't ready for…guess I’m just slower than most there…”

     Alex was laughing and she lightly hit him on the shoulder, “Well, I’m glad you find this so amusing.” Sarah tried to sound serious but his laughter had become infectious and she found herself laughing too after realizing how amusing she did sound.

     “I’m sorry,” he said apologetically. “Forgive me, I don’t mean to come across as unsympathetic...” After a moment he sobered up. Alex did feel he understood where she was coming from, “Sarah, I can do better than sympathize, I empathize with you for I’ve come across similar things with women. There’s great wisdom in taking our time before sharing intimate details about ourselves with others, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Even Jesus cautioned us about where we cast our pearls and the Song of Solomon speaks of not awakening love until the time is right. Rushing into these things can create soul ties that aren't healthy for us, and trust is something that grows with time. The heart can be like a fragile flower that can be crushed with selfishness but blossoms with care. Furthermore, none of us are perfect of ourselves. If we waited to find perfection our lives would be lived with just the Lord. It’s a great life but God created us to be in fellowship with one another too. It’s also easy to love perfection yet the Lord showed us the greatest example of love in loving us even when we've been at our ugliest, then offered his life for us all. We are to love as He loved us, giving of ourselves for one another. It sounds like what you’ve experienced was based mainly in self-interest which is immaturity as maturity looks beyond itself.”

     “I hadn’t looked at it that way and often blamed myself for the whole situation…” she said sadly. Then with enlightenment and a bit of mischief she then added with a smile, “So basically what you’re telling me is that I was dating boys?”

     He returned her smile with a large grin of his own, “Well yes. That's one way of putting it. Relationships take two, even our relationship with God. He may be the Giver but we do have our role of receiving when He awakens us to his love. Our Heavenly Father is very patient and wants the opportunity to show us his love and faithfulness, that’s a fine example for us to follow. On a more serious note he added, “I’m not perfect either and as God is my witness I wasn’t looking for this…but I have grown quite fond of you…although you don’t have to decide now. There's no rush.”

     Sarah heart leaped again. She wanted to tell him she had grown quite fond of him too but was overwhelmed with a surge of shyness, yet she was able to say, “That’s good to know, and I wasn’t looking for this either…you’ve put me more at ease and I don’t have to think about it any further. Yes, I’ll go out with you,” she said more cheerfully, “I would like that.”

     Alex was ecstatic, "Good!" He then grew serious again as he considered how he had avoided the topic of children. The opportunity had presented itself when they spoke of shortcomings but he had danced his way around it. Feeling selfish about it he now declared more solemnly, “Sarah…I have a confession…”

     “What is it?”

     He breathed in deeply before saying, “I have this one area that can be a real problem in relationships with women…sort of a health issue.”

     “Are you sick?” she asked with much concern.

     “No, nothing like that, but like you, I’ve found myself withdrawing from relationships due to it…doesn’t seem fair to either one of us…”

     “Doesn’t seem fair to you…it’s a health issue.”

     “Nonetheless, it’s still a major issue. Do you think it would be really selfish of me if I waited until the end of our first date to tell you? I really would like to have at least one date with you before throwing that into the equation, but I can tell you now if you'd prefer.”

     Sarah was quiet for a moment as she considered her own dilemma. “Yes, it can wait. It wouldn’t be fair to say no as I have something I need to ask you, but prefer to wait too.”

     “Sure you don’t want to ask now?”

     She shook her head no.

     “Well then, we’ll sort out the sordid details at the end of our date. I’ll call soon with the details to that too…unless you have something in mind that you would like to do.”

     “No, I trust your judgment." She knew she’d have a great time with him where ever they went.

     “Ok then,” he said with boyish enthusiasm as he got up and prepared to go, “I had a great time tonight and will be looking forward to our date.”

     “Me too,” she informed him and as he started to leave she called out, “Alex.”

     “Yes.”

     “In case I forget to tell you, I had a great time on our date and hope we can resolve things.”

     Alex thought that was the perfect thing for her to say as he had no doubt they would have a great time together and was also hoping for resolution.  He then strode up the stairs, stood in front of her and said wholeheartedly, “Me too,” with a strong desire to finish it off with a kiss, but instead he restrained himself and looked into her eyes trying to convey how much he wanted that too before saying, "Good night Sarah…talk to you soon.” He then turned and headed back to his car.

     Alex drove home in a great mood. What a great weekend it had turned out to be! He also marveled at how wonderful his time with Sarah was, and she seemed to really be enjoying it too. This is how he had imagined it would be when two souls were foremost set on their relationship with the Lord and found their pleasure in discovering Him together. Alex knew relationships had its challenges yet with their eyes first fixed on the Lord he knew they could get through anything…

     “Even a woman’s desire for children?” he heard the silent question asked and sensed old memories and impending doom trying to work its way in again, but he gave it no room this time.

     “Even that,” he said aloud, although Alex knew that if it came to that he would deny himself and let her go for he wanted to help enrich her life, not take from it. The thought alone came with such sadness he once again determined not to dwell on it. He would cross that bridge soon enough but refused to let the idea rob him of his joy and hope in the Lord. He really did sense the Lord's favor upon them and that He was at work.

     As he made his way into the community he caught sight of Jim and Camille walking together. He waved as he passed by them but didn’t stop. Alex knew Camille was infatuated with him and felt bad about the whole situation but he also knew he hadn’t led her on. When he had first returned to the community she had pursued him relentlessly and although he wasn’t interested in her that way he gave in, going against his better judgement, and decided to give it a go. They had only gone out twice but within those two dates it was clear to him that they weren’t compatible. Camille was a fine women but her interests were caught up in material possessions and a position in society more than they were on the Lord. Then there was the added pressure of battling her seductiveness, easier said than done. Alex eventually told her that he wanted to stay focused on his work. It disappointed her but she had accepted it, although she still made her interests known. Alex felt confident that she was more in love with an ideology instead of him and knew they wouldn’t be happy together. He had hoped she would have come to realize that by now. Alex had also noticed that ever since he had met Sarah, Camille has been in hot pursuit once again.

     At home he attempted to go to bed but found he was pent up with excitement as he anticipated his future date with Sarah. He couldn't remember feeling this excited about a date and was feeling like a kid again.  Alex really wanted to take her someplace he knew she'd enjoy and began considering the best place to take Sarah on their first official date. He had already decided it would be away from the community where there would be no distractions with the challenges there. Sarah had mentioned that she liked art festivals and outdoor concerts and he knew of a fall art festival outside of town that would kick off this Friday. He would call her tomorrow and see if she wanted to go Saturday. Alex then shared his day with his the Lord and thanked him for his continued faithfulness.

Part XXXI:  Camille