Part XXIV:

Reality Check

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     Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  ~1 Peter 4:10-11

     Alex had also been looking forward to this day and his soul soared at the thought of it as if it had wings.  Now watching Sarah, who was apparently having serious doubts, disappointment took him for a sudden and unpleasant nose dive.  Geesh, he thought despairingly, she’s only been here a few minutes and things are already starting to get crazy.

     At that moment he just really wanted to get her out of the whole community and all the challenges that came with it, but he knew that was more his desire based on his feelings and feelings of themselves, whether soaring or plummeting, were an unreliable source.  He had learned long ago not to react to atmospheric turbulence, but to continue in Christ where there was rest in the midst of the storm.  Furthermore, that wasn’t what this day was about. If it came to it he would do just that, but right now he felt that would be a premature move and wanted to hold out to see what was in store.

     Within Alex heard himself exclaim, Yes, I’m sure! I’ve been looking forward to this day and seeing you again! But he knew that wouldn’t do and he definitely didn’t want to scare her off with such a passionate response. Instead, he took a moment before softly replying, "Sarah, I’m sure. I gave you my word and I intend to carry it out."  

     "I know..." came her whispered reply, "but if things have come up since then I understand." Sarah didn’t want him to show her around out of a sense of obligation.  When he had offered to be her tour guide he seemed happy about it, but if his heart and mind were now elsewhere she knew it would be a burdensome task. That wouldn't benefit either one of them and she would feel awful about it, especially if it progressed to resentment.

     Alex noted that she seemed skittish today as if she was ready to call it a day at the first sign of trouble. He sensed her need for reassurance and support. That whole incident with Camille set things off to a shaky start, which seemed to be a routine with them, yet Alex didn’t want to end their day before they had both tried to get past the challenges.  He was quite accustomed to the ground and atmospheric turbulence and felt confident that they could soar above it with the Lord, but he knew he had to let her make that decision for herself and for now their flight together remained grounded.

     Alex continued, "Sarah, I’ve cleared my schedule. The only thing I left on the agenda is being your tour guide for the day." He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled before going on, "I’ve been looking forward to this day…" there, he said it, "but I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not comfortable with and not ready for. I know it's been crazy for you here and I understand your apprehensions, yet I’ve lived here for awhile and overall I can see these things coming. I don’t intend to put you in a position that makes you feel uneasy. Why don’t we stick with the original plan, to see how things go. I’ll deal with whatever hairy situation may come up, then if you still feel uneasy about it we can go." Alex was really trying to reason with her and reassure her without forcing the issue.

     After a moment Sarah replied, "Ok, I’ve been looking forward to this day too, but I’ll admit I'm a bit nervous. I just don’t know what to expect."

     He looked at her with understanding written all over his face. "This place can be full of surprises for someone new and you have a gift for seeing into the spiritual realm that really emphasizes things. I’ve experienced visions but nothing like what you describe and it isn’t the norm for me. I could only imagine what it must be like for you and I’m not walking in your shoes. What I can tell you with assurance is that I intend to be here for you and help you with what may come our way. There isn’t much that surprises me here anymore and as I said, I can generally see it coming, even if not visually. Guess you can say where you have vision, I've developed a scent for it. I can generally smell it coming.

     She nodded more at ease now. It also reminded her of a few weeks back when she awoke from sleep and felt the Lord's hand giving her nose a gentle squeeze. Afterward, she fell asleep again and had a dream that her father had helped her set up a piece of equipment that was just laying in her garage.  She felt her father in the dream represented her Heavenly Father. The next few nights held various dreams, but they all seemed to be getting at the same thing. It was as if the Lord was training her how to use the equipment he had installed for her. When she had shared it with Kathy, her next door neighbor, Kathy said that it sounded like the Lord had done something to help her exercise her discernment and she felt the nose represented discernment. Kathy then informed her that discernment wasn't so much a gift like other gifts of the Spirit. She said that Discerning of Spirits was a gift of the Spirit and that came by revelation, but discernment was different in the sense that it needed to be exercised and developed as we grow in the Lord and his Word. At the time Sarah realized that this coincided with what she knew of scripture and then knew why she didn't always feel confident about what she sensed. She thought about sharing that with Alex, but instead found herself sharing something else, something the Lord had said to her.

     "Thank you. You know I hadn't told you this before but that day in the other neighborhood Jesus told me if I wanted to help he had a place in mind for me here. That may explain why I feel drawn to this place, I don’t know. What do you think?"

     Alex smiled and thought, Confirmation again! Thank you Lord! He really wasn’t trying to force the issue but to help do away with her worries and her response made him feel more confident with how he handled things. There were just too many things pointing to the conclusion that there was a place for her there. He felt confident there was, but also knew the enemy and others would look to challenge that, along with their feelings not grounded in the heart of God. What they needed was time to discern between those challenges and what may be the wrong course. He also didn’t want to tell her what he sensed since he was never really sure. Even if he was he felt that was the Lord’s role in her life, not his or anyone else's. Instead he said, "There can be different reasons for finding ourselves drawn to things. I feel that overall there are two very basic reasons, we are either looking to fill a void in our lives and can often try and fill that void on our own, or the Lord is drawing us in."

     She thought it over for a moment before saying, "That makes perfect sense."

     Alex then changed the subject, "There is a place I would like to show you briefly before we head out to lunch. Can you hold off for a few more minutes?"

     She nodded yes and Alex drove up the street, turned a few corners, then up another lengthy street lined with many trees that formed an archway above the road. It ended on a cul-de-sac. He then pointed to a house.

     "It’s beautiful…and I love the top balcony with the rod iron railing. The trimming is wonderful and the yard is really spacious," she declared enthusiastically, "It’s a great house!" Then looking back at him asked, "It’s yours, isn’t it?"

     He smiled in return, "How did you know?"

     "It looks like you," Sarah replied without any hesitation as she looked at it again to study it further. In her excitement she then quickly turned to face him again to ask about the pool of water resembling a pond, and caught him intently watching her. For a brief moment she saw something in his eyes that resembled desire...along with something else...but it disappeared with a blink when her eyes met his.

     Oh my, what did I say? Sarah turned back to stare at the house feeling embarrassed at her spontaneous response. Christian or not, he was still a man.

     "What do you mean?" she heard him ask, "Like a dog and their owner can start to look alike," he commented in a joking manner. That diffused the situation and she found herself smiling at his tone which seemed to be poking playful fun at her choice of words.

     She went on more carefully this time, "I mean it seems like it is well thought out…and put together."

     "That’s quite perceptive of you," he noted. "The home wasn’t exactly what I was looking for but I really liked the lot and its location. I’ve done quite a bit of thoughtful renovations since then."

     "Well it shows," she said in approval but this time with reservation.

     "Anything look out of character?"

     Sarah understood what he was asking her and caught the vulnerability in his voice.  She let go of some of her reservations as she replied, "Alex, since I’ve been here today I haven’t seen anything that looked unusual, which is odd because on my other trips things just seemed to be pointed out for me where ever I went, yet I don’t have to see it to tell you that home is real, at least that’s what I detect."

     He was touched with that response, "Thank you. I've worked on that but it is always nice to get some feedback to help with what may be a blind spot," he offered by way of explanation.

     Okay, Alex said to himself, Now I’m losing focus on what this day is about. He felt like a train that was derailing off its tracks. Listen to the music and enjoy the dance, Reuben’s words came back to him. Oh, he was hearing music alright and was fine with some derailing, but he felt this was turning out to be about him and what he wanted, not to mention the desire he felt rising which served as a reality check. He really did like her alot, but that is not what this day was about. It was time to head on out to lunch and be around the safety net of other people.

     "To lunch we go," he said definitively.

     "Where are we going?" she asked, then looking back at his house one last time she gasped in surprise as she watched it take on a different appearance.

     Hearing her gasp Alex asked, "Sarah?" 

     "Your house," she said excitedly. "I see it…"

     He was about to take off, but now paused and turned the key in the ignition to shut off the engine.

     "It looks like a Victorian home but it's new. The details and trimming are exquisite! There’s a beautiful entrance way with a front porch. Over there is a crack," she pointed out, then realizing he wasn't seeing what she was seeing, she went on. “On the right corner of the deck. The paint on the house also appears to be peeling in places but beyond that it is beautiful!” she said in awe and without any self-awareness or reservations. The vision then faded and she turned to face him again. After a moment she said, "Alex, it all looked very real."

     Alex sat there taking it all in, then shaking his head he said, "It amazes me how the Lord shows you things."

     "But what does it mean?" she asked, "and why was I seeing a Victorian home?"

     He began heading out as he spoke, "I used to be a police officer and the Lord used it to help me learn much about the law and the ways of old. I suspect it has something to do with that and the rich treasures there are in the stories of old found in the old testament. Some feel it isn’t very significant today but it is. There are great lessons to be learned in it, rich in details, one just needs to understand that when it comes to application in our lives, we are to be living in the new found in Christ. That’s probably why you saw a new Victorian home." 

     Alex also felt he knew what the peeling paint was all about. It was so obvious when he was around her, but he wasn't about to offer that bit of information. He thought it best that he keep that one to himself and felt the Lord probably intended it more for his benefit, at least for now.

     Sarah was now the one looking at him in amazement, "Well I’m amazed at how well you understand what I’m seeing."

     "It's confirmation Sarah and that is what everything we see and hear needs to be to us. Anything new that we don’t understand needs to be taken to the Lord so he can shed his light on it."

     "I hadn’t thought of it that way," she said thoughtfully. "Alex, I have to tell you, in all my years as a Christian I have never had anyone put things as simply as you have for me. Simple but with a depth of wisdom."

     Alex was happy with her response that was so reassuring. He silently thanked the Lord for reminding him that as he put Him and others first, He would take care of his personal needs. As a by-product he also benefited. Nice to be back on track, he told himself.  He then turned to briefly face her and said wholeheartedly, "I’m glad to offer what help I can," before looking out at the road again. Alex was hoping she knew that he really meant it. "You know Sarah, it all really is so simple when we are looking at things through the simplicity in Christ, and it holds a depth of wisdom for us all.  When things become complicated and unclear, we need only return to that to see how simple it really is; to be as simple as children." 

     Sarah smiled at him really liking that response that found confirmation within the depths of her.

     "It all looks so different now," Sarah commented looking through the windows of the truck while Alex drove across the street into Reuben's neighborhood. I mean there are similarities but the differences aren’t apparent like before. I was wondering why I wasn’t seeing anything when I drove in. Beyond your house, I’m not seeing anything." Sarah said somewhat despairingly.  She then turned to him, "I don’t always see as much as I have here, but I don't understand why it isn't happening when I had previously seen so much.  I was hoping to be more helpful."

     Alex parked just outside the diner in the plaza located in Reuben’s neighborhood, then turned to her. "Sarah, as I pointed out before, you've already been very helpful. Know that. God gives us what we need when we need it. Our gifts do benefit us too, but they are intended to help us serve each other and further his kingdom.  All we do needs to be for the glory of God, to glorify the Lord and as a byproduct we become beneficiaries. Although we can stir the gifts within us, our spiritual gifts are not something we can turn on and off, but yes, there are things we can do that will prevent his flow.

     "What’s that?" she asked with much interest and he found himself laughing in delight at her curiosity and enthusiasm. 

     "Come on, I'll share more inside," then his eyes grew wide for playful emphasis as he continued, "I’m starving.”

 Part XXV:  The Sower and the Seed