Part XXI:

Jim 

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     I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.  My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.  ~1 Corinthians 3-5

     Jim sat on his couch with his eyes fixed on the morning news but his heart and thoughts were on the events that took place last night. He couldn’t believe he had struck Alex, he just got soooooo mad.

     That whole fiasco began when he spotted Bill in his neighborhood trying to sell some of the new residents that prosperity gospel and he wasn’t about to have it. They were just trying to protect their neighborhood from being injected with that poison. He’d lived on the other side and what they were doing was wrong, “God wants us to have big houses and expensive, brand new cars…baloney!” And God forbid if you got sick, you were made to feel like it was all your fault because you didn’t have enough faith. Well, he tried it and he still got sick.  Then, to add insult to injury he was made to feel like a failure as a Christian because of it. He had felt bad that he couldn’t get it right and thought the problem was his when they were the ones that had the issue, all nice and put together on the outside but inside they were a mess. The guilt he had been ridden with when he lived there. Hypocrites! It had to stop.

     Yet Alex did not deserve that, after all, it was Alex that helped him see the light. He just couldn’t believe that Alex was still there and didn't join his side. He was too good for his neighborhood! I mean look at how he had put himself out there for Reuben. No one on the other side had ever done anything like that for him…no one but Alex. He felt much remorse for how he had treated him and was determined to track him down and apologize.

     Jim went in search of him at the community trail where he knew Alex often started his mornings. There he found him on a bench reading his bible.

     “Hi Alex,” he awkwardly greeted.

     “Jim, hey.”

     “Listen, about last night…I didn’t mean to do that…”

     “It’s ok Jim.” 

     “No Alex, let me finish!" Jim was still clearly upset.  "It was wrong, very wrong and you didn’t deserve that! I know we’ve had our disagreements but you’ve always shown me respect…I can't believe I hit you. I just got so mad!”

     Sensing Jim came for more than an apology Alex closed his bible and gave him his undivided attention. Jim wanted to talk.  “You’re right. It was wrong and it is right of you to apologize. Jim, I still get angry too, my anger is just directed at the enemy...”

     “Ohhh, I know what you are saying Alex but we have a responsibility too. It starts with us, isn’t that what you used to tell me? We can’t blame everything on the enemy!” he  replied in exasperated anger.

     Alex nodded in agreement while Jim went on, although this time he was visibly remorseful once again and there was confusion in his tone, "I...I just lost control...I feel so angry all the time..."

     Feeling compassion for him and sensing an open door Alex looked at him thoughtfully before asking, “What are you doing this morning?”

     “Nothing, I have to be at work by noon.  Why?”

     “I have to pick up a few things at Home Depot. Why don’t you come along and we can discuss it further. It won’t take long.”

     Jim agreed.  They then walked over to Alex’s truck parked just outside the trail.

     “Would you mind driving?” Alex asked.

     “That's fine,” Jim replied taking the keys from Alex's hand.

     As Jim drove he began recounting what had led up to last night’s explosive events; how he had seen Bill talking to some of the residents in his neighborhood. Concerned, he went over to check things out. That's when he overheard what he was selling them and cut Bill off in conversation to give him a piece of his mind before sending him packing home. 

     The roads were busy with morning, rush hour traffic and Jim had come to a stop at an intersection. 

     Alex then turned to him and said, "Jim go."

     “Go where?”

     “Home Depot.  What are you stopping for?  Go!”

     Jim shot Alex a puzzled look before replying, “What do you mean go?  There’s traffic out there!"    

     "So.  What's your point?" Alex asked in turn, his voice laced with irritation.

     "What's my point?!" Jim exclaimed in astonishment. "Have you lost your mind?  Do you want to cause an accident?!  People can get injured, worse yet killed!”  He was also more than a bit peaved by the inappropriate irritation Alex directed his way.  

     After a moment Alex replied, “Oh yeah. I see your point,” before dropping silent.

     What was that all about?! Jim silently asked himself. Now concerned he turned to Alex and asked, "Are you feeling ok?”

     “Yeah, yeah,"  Alex responded impatiently, "I've got things to do and really need those supplies.” 

     Jim thought his reply sounded reasonable enough, although it didn't appear to fit such unusual behavior, especially for Alex.  Was he losing his eyesight?  Maybe that’s why he had asked him to drive.  Alex was never one to easily ask for help and Jim suspected there was some pride at work in that.  He's always been the one to lend a helping hand and Jim imagined it was probably difficult for him to admit when he needed help himself. 

     There was a break in traffic and Jim's focus was brought back to the road ahead. He then crossed over.  After a few minutes the incident was forgotten as he became engrossed in his story once again. 

     When he had turned onto the road that led to Home Depot the traffic had come to a complete stop.  Looking ahead Jim saw what was causing the back up in traffic.  A school bus had stopped and children were crossing the street to catch their ride.

     “What are you doing?  Go!” Alex's tone did not conceal the fact that he was quite exasperated with Jim's actions.

     'You gotta be kidding me, not again,' Jim thought despairingly.  He had hoped the previous incident was just a crazy fluke.  Deeply concerned now, he then turned to Alex and informed him, "Alex the traffic has stopped."

     Alex paused for a moment to peer ahead before responding, “Oh yeah...you're right. Now why did that car in front of us just stop like that?!" he continued in annoyance, "Don’t people know how to drive around here! Look at that idiot holding up traffic like that.” Then rolling down his window he yelled, “Hey, what’s the hold up?!  I got places to go and people to see!"  Alex then turned to Jim and said, “Beep the horn."   

     "No!" Jim yelled defiantly.

     "Nooo? Why not?!" 

     Before Jim could reply they heard the driver of the vehicle in front of them yell out, "Shut up and hold your horses Cowboy!"  

     At that Alex's mouth dropped open in astonishment, "Can you believe that guy?!  The audacity!  I should go over there and give him a piece of my mind!” He then reached for the door handle as if he was about to do just that.

     Jim was dumbfounded.  Reaching over he grabbed a hold of Alex's left arm to stop him, “Alex, what is wrong with you?!"

     With an incredulous look Alex repeated, "What's wrong with me?  What's wrong with ME?  This is absurd! He stops in the middle of the road holding up traffic and you ask what is wrong with ME.  This fiasco is going to set me back this morning and it's all HIS fault! THAT'S what's wrong with ME.  Can't YOU see that?!” 

     Jim's eyes grew wide in disbelief.  This was crazy and Alex was acting like a madman.  Not wanting to escalate the situation any further he lowered his voice, "Alex, we’ll get there and get your supplies but dude, you need to chill out.  Can't YOU see he stopped for the school bus ahead and there are kids all around?"  Is something wrong with your eyesight?  What is going on with you?  You're acting like a blind bat out of hell..." he then stopped in mid-sentence as it suddenly dawned on him what was happening.

     “Ohhh, I see what’s going on."    

     Alex looked at him in ignorance, “What are you talking about?”

     The traffic was on the move again and they had just pulled into a parking spot at Home Depot. “Reverse psychology, you can drop the act Alex. I see where you’re going with this.”

     “And where is that?”

     Jim held his head down as he ran an aggitated hand through his hair, “The others in traffic...the children in the road…the short-sighted vision..."  he then sighed deeply, "I haven't been paying much attention have I?”

     Alex put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Remember this while you walk in liberty exercising your free will equipped with a partial view.  Free-will is a gift that needs to be handled with wisdom and responsibility.  Just seeing our portion is short-sighted vision and can blindside us to the other relevant things going on around us. When it comes to human relationships there are two sides to a story Jim and God looks upon the condition of our hearts."

     Jim nodded as he took it all in, "And it is only God's view that counts."

     "Nope," Alex quickly disagreed.  "I don't totally buy into that motto 'It's not about me'.  That's a corporate statement that holds true in the larger scheme of things. Your view is a part of you and God cares about you and your view.  I care about you and your view.  Reuben cares about you and your view, and there are others that do too.  Yet our view needs to be rooted in the love of God found in Christ. He wants our stories to be found in his greater love story.  He wants us to care about Him and his view.  It's the only view and story that holds the truth and results in life instead of death.  

     Alex paused for a moment to let Jim absorb it all. He then jokingly mocked, "Come on Shorty, I've got work to do. Let’s go in and get them supplies.”

     “Alright,” Jim softly agreed, then as they walked through the parking lot he emphatically added , “But you're driving back...Cowboy!”

     Alex enjoyed a hearty laugh at that. "It was a little crazy, wasn't it?" he noted with a mischievous smile. 

     "Yeah, no kidding. And your neighborhood thinks I'm the crazy one."

     "It's all Reuben's fault.  He's rubbing off on me.  You should have a talk with him. You'd like him.  You two have more in common than you realize...and you know I wouldn't have done that if I didn't feel confident that you wouldn't have played along."

     "That surprises me to hear you say that," Jim said with humility, "Especially considering what I did last night...I HAVE been playing along."

     "Yeah, but that's because you were only seeing one side of the fence.  It's a whole different story when your view has been expanded." 

     Jim nodded, then after a moment added, "Well don't think I'm fully converted to seeing things from your side, and your neighborhood." 

     Alex stopped in his tracks before turning to face him. "Jim, you should know better than that.  Seeing and devotion are two different things and if you speak of devotion the only side I'm devoted to taking is the Lord's side and that my friend, needs to be your side too."

Part XXII:  Contemplations