Part XLIII:

 Light and Darkness

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  Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
   How unsearchable his judgments,
   and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
   Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God,
   that God should repay them?”
 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
   To him be the glory forever! Amen. 

~Romans 33-36

     "Those two are something else, aren’t they?" Alex asked Sarah on the drive home.

     “They are really nice. You are blessed with good friends that really care about you."

     “I know,” Alex assured her, although wrapped in the radiance of his own awe and joy he had missed the coloring of sadness in her voice.  Alex was still marveling at the fact that they shared the same inability to have children and each felt the same way about it all.  That in itself was one huge roadblock out of their way.   He couldn't wait to share with the Lord.  Oh, how He had kept him in the dark and Alex had no idea this was what awaited him on the other side...and to think he had wanted to avoid the subject until the end of their first date. 

     Alex was also very grateful that through the years the Lord had taught him not to draw his own conclusions.  As he had grown in this wisdom it was paying off for him big time, especially and most importantly in a closer relationship with the Lord.  The most challenging part was to remain at peace when his circumstances were shrouded in darkness, but in openly sharing with the Lord and keeping his eyes on Him foremost He had gained the inner peace and strength he needed.   

     Could Maria and Reuben be right?  Was she the one for him...his helpmate, his Eve?  The question had surfaced in his own heart and mind more often of late, and now it was staring him square in the face. 

     Alex then continued, “Reuben can be a character but as I said, he’s a wonderful brother in Christ, although I don’t know how Maria puts up with him half the times. She's a true saint.”

     Sarah nodded, “They are obviously in love.”

     "That they are," Alex agreed wholeheartedly.  

     After some silence Sarah asked, "Do you think love is blind?" 

     Alex smiled at the question.  "Depends...what type of love are we talking about?  Romantic love?  God's love?"

     Although Sarah had intially meant romantic love, she was also now curious about his thoughts on Gpd's love.  "How about both?" 

     "I don't believe God's love is blind.  I believe it covers and pardons in Christ, but blind?  No.  As we discussed before, it is a greater act of love to see the imperfections of others and still love."

     Sarah thought it over for a moment before saying, "Yes, yes it is.  The bible says that God's love was made manifest in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us."

     "Exactly.  The type of romantic love that's grounded in our humanity can be blind.  There's alot of emotional highs that feels really good and can blindside us to reality.  Of itself there is nothing wrong with emotions and feeling good, it's like the icing on the cake.  It just comes down to what it is grounded in.  Romantic love doesn't have to be blinding.  It can be a beautiful expression of our lives found in Christ.  There's plenty of romance in the bible, the Song of Solomon is filled with romance, passion, and love.  Many believe it is a reflection of our relationship with the Lord and I would have to agree, just on a whole different scale than how we humans love in our humanity."

     Sarah agreed, then after a moment she further asked, "Do you think God has someone already in mind for us, or is it a matter of our choice?"

     Alex turned for a moment to look at her before setting his sights back on the road.  She had been looking straight ahead, her voice somewhat afar off as if lost in her own thoughts.  It appeared that she was having her own questions about their relationship.

     "I dont care to view things as one or the other on surface...unless, of course, if revealed to us or directed by the Lord for specifics in our journeys and personal lives.  The only thing I see as carved in stone is our foundation in Christ and the promises we have been given in Him. 

     That said, overall I see both.  If we bring God into the picture and ask Him for his best, I believe He will do it in his time and way, although we have to trust Him through the darkness as sometimes it gets really dark before the break of dawn.  We also shouldn't assume we know what his best is, or that it will always be smooth sailing."

     They then reached her home and Alex walked her to the door.  Leaning against the frame with hands in his pockets he said, “I had a really nice time today. Thank you for coming."

     "Me too, thank you. It was very nice.  I had a good time and really like Reuben and Maria."

     He smiled happily at that and paused for a moment as those feelings of awkwardness returned before asking, “Would you do me the honor of coming out to play again?”

     "Yes." 

     As soon as the word came out of her mouth, Sarah regretted it.  She wanted time to share with the Lord and didn't know if she would be seeing him again.  Why make more difficult what may be the inevitable by prolonging it?  The thought of not seeing Alex again brought her so much sadness that she longed to run into her home, crawl in bed, and be alone with the Lord.

     Alex, still lost in his own thoughts, akwardness, and cheery mood once again missed the tell-tale signs of her sadness that were surfacing in spite of her efforts to conceal it.  Sarah had never mastered the art of concealing her emotions, it just didn't come easily for her and it wasn't something she was accustomed to practicing. 

     Meanwhile, Alex was as excited as a child.  “Good!  I'll call you soon ok?”  Afloat with joy and excitement he quickly turned to go before she could even answer.  He couldn't wait to share his day with the Lord.  Peeling paint, derailing off the tracks, Alex was coming undone, but it wasn't just that.  The Lord was incredible, the Master Strategist as Alex sometimes liked to refer to Him, and just like he had been in the past at the break of dawn, he was as tickled pink as a child.  

     While skipping down her steps on the way to his truck he nearly lost his footing, but after some quick redistribution of body weight he was able to recover and save himself from an embarassing fall.  Alex then looked back at Sarah and with a sheepish grin declared, "Accident Prone".

     She returned his grin with a smile of her own before throwing back with concern, “Be careful,” but even as the words still played on her lips his excitement got the better of him and with the next step he tripped.  Sarah gasped in alarm and ran to his side, then kneeling down beside him she inquired in a worried tone, “Alex, are you ok?” 

     Feeling like a dork now an embarassed Alex replied, “That depends, physically I’m fine. My ego, that’s a whole different story.”

     Sarah couldn't help but smile at the chagrin look on his face that was overtly exhibited for her benefit.  Before they knew it they were both laughing over the incident, then while in the processs of sitting up Alex's face came so close to hers that they both suddenly grew serious. He wanted to kiss her and not wanting to analyze it he moved in closer to do just that, but just then she shyly put her head down.

     "Alex…” she whispered.

    His heart was thumping so loud he wondered if she could hear it. He then softly asked, “Yes?”

     “I’m sorry...” came her barely audible reply.

     Alex stared at her for a moment trying to read the thoughts behind her downcast face.  Attributing it to modesty, he then said, “You’re right...I’m sorry.  I don’t know what came over me,” then lifting himself off the ground he extended his hand to her.

     As Sarah put her hand in his and allowed him to pull her up she inquired teasingly, “Did you hit your head again?”

     He laughed thinking once again how cute she was. “You’re not making this easy for me,” he playfully berated before taking off. 

     Sarah then turned and entered her home.  Once inside she leaned her back against the door and braced herself for what would happen next.  This exchange with Alex should have left her hopeful and joyful but instead she was filled with sadness in her soul.

     Longing to put an end to the day Sarah then quickly proceeded to her bathroom where she absentmindedly scrubbed her face and teeth before entering the oasis of her bedroom.  There she removed her jacket and shoes before crawling into bed without even bothering to remove the rest of her clothes. Sarah then fussed for a moment with her blanket as she wrapped herself in the warmth of its soft, plush material in a vain attempt to get more comfort from it than it presently provided.  Once she had settled in she allowed the tears to form in her eyes and freely flow, then before she had even formed the words to express her sadness and concerns to the Lord she was comforted by his presence glowing within her.  It grew so bright that it sharply sliced through her soulish mood and mindful thoughts.

     Just then Sarah was given a vision.  Before her lay a night, cloudy sky alit with several stars.  Among them she noticed one that was shining very bright.  In the backdrop she heard Alex's voice.

     "It was another spectacular sight.  The top portion of the moon was shrouded with dark clouds while the bottom portion was brightly shining. I found myself thinking what a wonderful picture it presented of the corporate body of Christ who receives their light from the Son and reflects it. As our surface circumstances are shrouded by the dark clouds of uncertainty, if we will turn to Jesus who is our light we will find his light shining brightly from deep within us which will pierce the darkness surrounding us.”

     Sarah felt the star was like the star that led the wise men to baby Jesus, and she just knew that star represented Alex doing the same, calling her attention to their Lord.

     Sarah also knew that she had been here before and like she had mentioned to Alex, too often she had stopped short as she drew her own conclusions when her circumstances were shrouded in darkness.  Laying before her was yet another opportunity to follow through on her resolve to change that pattern of behavior.  She didn't know what the future held for her, and if it included Alex in the picture, but she knew the Lord was with her and as she looked to Him who was her light He would see her through. 

Part XLIV:  Fair Play