May 20, 2010

     Wednesday morning after working the third shift and heading home I saw an attracive lady approximately 55 years old sitting along the sidewalk and smoking a cigarette.  By her behaviors I could tell she's probably been diagnosed with Schizophrenia.  I think two of the hardest things to go through is watching someone in continuous physical pain and watching someone with a mental disorder like Schizophrenia.  Eventually with a mental disorder you learn not to associate the individual with the disorder.  That there is another reality beyond what they may be manifesting.   Doesn't mean one does not take safety measures.

     Today I saw her again.  I stopped this time, parked, and with words of "God bless you" I gave her the largest bill in my pocket, a twenty dollar bill.  I then headed home.

     On my way home I was thinking how easy that was, to just give her money and continue on my way.  Had thoughts of how I should have spent more time and extended a larger hand.  Then I remembered.  I remembered.  I've been going with about an hour's sleep since yesterday and I just finished working a nine hour shift, third shift on top of that.  How much longer could I keep going at this rate without meeting with my own crash. 

     I've been taking time to myself.  The last few years have been filled with concerns and even worries regarding others, and extending myself sometimes farther than my mental health.  Now don't get me wrong, I gotta have my downtime so I have gotten that in and have done some recreational things I love.  Just how I have overextended myself at times beyond the warning signs.  No one's fault.  I like to help.  Just saying. 

     I realized that in the process I have both grown and suffered.  Suffered in my mental condition when my trust was weak and I overextended myself, yet through it all grown in my faith and trust in the Lord.  God has been with me, inviting me closer to his Heart.  Sometimes the worse I was, the stronger his presence was to uphold me.  Other times I have had to trust him through the silence knowing that time of darkness would pass as I expectantly waited to see him face to face (Heart to heart).

     
     So, I've been taking more time to myself.  I don't mind sacrificing for others even if it costs me.  Love does encompass sacrifice.  Although I know I'm one person.  I also don't have all the resources that others may have, like the money and time.  Yet I have the Lord and I can pray.  This is the most precious and powerful resource I have and I've seen the wonderful results.  May not have always been in the timeframe I preferred, or gone the route I hoped, even so God has done the miraculous and continues to do so.

     Awhile back as I contemplated the pain and sufferings in society I told the Lord I wanted the gift of healing.  I also told him that I want to pray effectively for others.  I told him I don't have to put my hands on anyone and be seen.  No one has to know I have prayed for their need that has been met.  I just want to be able to do it and do it effectively. 

     God is good.  He is answering my prayers there because I see them coming to pass.  I'm praying and I am hearing the wonderful reports.  Except for their own encouragement (which I will inform them I am praying for encouragement and support for them, or glory to our Lord), no one need know.  May our Lord Jesus be given the honor and glory for what He has done.  All in and through him. 

     The reports have encouraged me and I am so thankful to the Lord.  

    
     Sometimes we think there isn't much we can do but can I tell you, you can engage with God in prayer.  When we pray we invite him into the picture.  Not only that but as we share our hearts and concerns with him wonderful intimacy is taking place.  He can do in a second what would take us a lifetime.  God also wants to honor Jesus through the miraculous.   

     So as I look to give myself more to God, not only to grow in my relationship with Him, but also to be more effective to others, I know I am doing a precious thing indeed.  A body may need food but a soul perishes without Living Waters from the living God.  What more precious gift can we give?

     I'm learning to ease up on myself knowing that the best thing I can give someone is an encounter with the living God, even as I know He does use us as his hands and feet.   

     When you feel there isn't much you can give due to time and resource limits, or whatever other reason, do know that praying to God is very powerful as you go to him to share your heart and thoughts and allow him to share his with you.  He loves it when we commune with him.  He wants to be involved in our lives. 

     I am going to log off here and get some much needed sleep.  I will pray for that lady as I believe in engaging God in prayer.  Maybe in the future we can exchange names, get to know some of each other, and maybe I can look into some resources for her.  Yet I won't stop believing for the miraculous to take place while I let God be God. 

     I hope this encourages your prayer life, your communion with the wonderful, living God.

Acts 3:4-13